Sometimes I feel like my heart is being ripped into a thousand pieces. I’ve always been the one in my family who feels the most, and expresses the least. Yesterday I replied to a comment where I said that I’m not the one to bottle anything up. I forgot to mention that I bottle everything up when it comes to family matters. It’s just the way things have been. I haven’t been raised to express myself.
So here I sit, silently feeling, not being able to say or do anything. And being misunderstood. My silence is always misunderstood, and so are my words. Because when I do finally decide to speak, it’s mostly to get the negativity out. It doesn’t mean I hate everything and everyone, just that I’m exploding. But who is wise enough to understand something like that in these quarters?
For the past few years I have been surrounded with problems. Literally surrounded. Wherever I look there are issues and the solutions are only imaginary. They are the product of my daydreams. And [day]dreaming gets you nowhere.
I am sick and tired of everything – most of all to pretend like everything is alright. Sometimes I feel like some of my friends are still children… but the truth is that it’s I who had to grow up too early. To face all this. To understand it. And understanding is a burden. Understanding an issue means taking a chunk of the load on your own shoulders. And being the useless figure that I am, the only thing I can do is cringe from the pain laid on me.
What a bizarre situation I am in… sometimes I wish I could laugh it off. Laugh and laugh until my laughter spreads like a virus and the whole house is shaken. And all the negativity has fallen down the drains. Left is a fresh start, a blank new page where I get to write the first word. That word would be: empathy.
Picture from: http://www.ivoryandart.com/servlet/the-732/netsuke,ivory,mammoth/Detail
“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning how to dance in the rain.”
I am! I’m dancing so much my feet hurt!
Great!
Don’t think about the pain….Just keep dancing
PP
I want to say something philosophical, or quote some inspirational proverb.. But, I won’t.. Because, I totally understand what you are going through right now, and all those big words never help, no matter how much you tell yourself…
Don’t keep it inside, say it out loud, talk about it with a person who understands you.. If you keep it inside, it will just hurt you and make you bitter, and you will lose all your compassion… I speak from experience, buddy..
Also, I find it extremely weird and kinda sweet that I relate to every word you write..
Thank you
. Yeah, I do share with friends from time to time… but as it’s so personal, relating to family members, I don’t feel very comfortable sharing with them. However writing about it like this helps a little bit 
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Really? That’s cool! Seems like we have a lot in common then
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It is good that you can write about it..
Some people have more family problems than others.. It’s just the way it is..
I’m still not sure about the having ‘lot in common’, but I do follow vampire diaries and big bang.. So, you might be right about it…
If you want to talk about anything at all.., I’m all ears, buddy..
Take care..
Ditto
!
Hey Rinth…you’re not alone. I promise you that!
As far as I can tell, everyone walking this planet have their personal problems…the only difference being how well each of us build the false facade that covers the ugly truth.
I have an ugly truth…and I’m sure my next door neighbour has one too. I don’t know how she vents her reality, but I decided to start writing about mine. And I’m glad you are too…because you have a clarity in your writing that speaks true. You have the gift of expression through the written word…a gift you should use to vent what’s inside. Either here…or to yourself in private.
I repeat, you are not alone…and if you feel you need help, you have a friend in me. I will listen…and will most definitely not judge.
I wish you good luck…and keep writing!
Thank you so much
. Your words mean a lot to me! Most of the times it’s difficult discussing these things with friends or other people you know cuz you’re afraid they’re going to look at you and/or your family differently… you don’t wanna ruin any relationships. That’s why, from time to time, I vent here. And knowing that my readers are supporting me every step of the way is something that I’m eternally grateful for 
!!