The definition of friendship varies from person to person. This is something that is important for everybody to know. I strongly believe in this: A good friend is my nearest relation. And I believe my mom does that too. Both of us hold friendship pretty high, which probably also is the reason behind us having such few friends – a few real friends are better than many fake ones. That doesn’t imply that we know only a few people. I interact with many people, but only a handful of them I’ll call my friends. Those who don’t understand my idea of friendship become upset. And I feel bad but there’s really not much I can do about it. Knowing my history or talking to me frequently… or just knowing stuff about me… isn’t enough for me to call that person my friend. I’ve a blog for heaven’s sake; anybody can know stuff about me! A friend is somebody:
- you feel comfortable enough to be yourself with.
- you can tell anything to without being judged.
- who accepts you just as you are
- and respects you for who you are.
- who gives you space when you need it – of course you can share anything with your friend but sometimes we just need time, and a friend understands that.
- who won’t misunderstand you, because she knows how much you value your friendship. But if she does misunderstand you, and there is some sort of quarrel involved, eventually she’ll try to solve it or at least act normal to get things normal.
- who your personality somehow just clicks with (doesn’t necessarily have to be someone like you… just have to click with you).
And I could probably present a hundred more points. It’s difficult to explain, cuz I believe friendship is a little bit like love; you don’t know who you’ll click with. Sure, you can make some assumptions, and state a few points that are essential to you like I did, but in the end it’s difficult to say. The problem is when some people think I’m their friend but I don’t. I can’t force myself to feel friendship with them.
And another thing is, if there’s a person who’s as or even more picky than I am with friends, and I could consider that person my friend, I’m still careful to call her that in case she doesn’t feel the same way. For example there’s this guy I know through the internet who said that the only real friend he has on the internet is this girl. And then I understood that his concept of friendship must be somewhat similar to mine, hence however comfortable I feel with him, I don’t really call him my friend yet. I’ll simply wait till he acknowledges it . It didn’t hurt me or anything, cuz I respect those who are very choosy with friends.
The curse (or ability… whatever you wanna call it) I have is that I can make people open themselves up. At first I enjoyed it, cuz many people felt lighter after sharing their sorrows with me. Eventually it became a burden, when I realized that I couldn’t control it. It’s like sometimes I’m being too polite. And that politeness leads to people thinking that I’m nice = eventually good friend. But you know what they say; don’t judge a book by its cover. In my case the cover is prettier than the content. Cuz I’m not always nice. I have this tendency to run away at the sight of trouble. I don’t like drama or complications in any relationship whatsoever. I don’t like confrontations. If something can be shoved under the rug, then that’s what I’ll do. I’ll rather have a friendship “fade away” than end it abruptly.
I’m very defensive of my personality. It took me hell of a lot of sacrifices to get where I am today; to accept myself. To learn to love myself and my life. And I don’t want anybody to take it away from me ever again. And yeah seen from the outside I can seem extremely cruel, but I know my reasons behind what I’m doing and at the end of the day that’s the only thing that matters. And my real friends have so far never disagreed with any of the good decisions I’ve made in my life (= they accept me as I am).
Some people say girls and guys can’t be friends. I understand why they say it. It’s difficult to find that friend of the opposite sex with whom you won’t cross the border. I’m fortunate enough to have such a friend. I’ve mentioned “Ra” to you guys earlier; one of my best friends. Have known him for three years and there’s never been any tendency of our friendship deforming into something else. Some people don’t get it and make fun of it by pushing us together, probably cuz they’re jealous they can’t have it themselves.
I’m not providing you guys here with the right recipe of friendship. This is simply my recipe. As I’ve tried to clarify to you guys; it doesn’t work in the same way for everyone. If life were to be that easy, we’d all have perfect relationships with everybody. We’re each unique in our own way and our relationships are unique. And it’s important for everybody to understand that.